… just keeps getting crazier.
Did you know my mother is living with me now? I can hear your collective gasps through my computer screen as I type this. I can’t even remember what I’ve written about this to date because, if I’m honest, I’ve been living in a bit of a dream for the last 2 months, pretending to be bumbling along as usual when in fact it is simply a coping mechanism to avoid the horrible truth that my life is TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL AND I AM COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED!!!
But I will plod on and as long I keep my head down and try to avoid allowing too many disasters to occur, I will get through this as long as I don’t give in to the chaos.
At the beginning of August my mother, who was on holiday in Germany, became ill with pulmonary oedema – basically she has heart failure and because it wasn’t being treated properly, her lungs were slowly filling up with water. She was, effectively, drowning. Thankfully she got to hospital in time for it to be treated and she’s recovered really well. They treat this with forced diuresis – she lost an impressive 3 kilos of water in a week!
I flew out to Germany and brought her back to the UK with me. As I was on the plane I already knew that she was not going to be able to return to live in Jordan. Initially I thought I might be able to afford to buy somewhere locally for her to live. This option began to fade as I realised how much of a burden the mortgage would be on my already fragile monthly budget. Then I thought she would be able to rent – she has a bit of savings – but this option also had to be abandoned as I realised that she would very quickly run out of money and also that my life would consist of her calling me with problems to be solved day and night. This isn’t because she’s incapable – quite the opposite, she is a remarkably independent and resourceful person – but simply because she hasn’t lived in this country for 40 years and just doesn’t know how things work. So the only solution open to us is for her to live with me for the foreseeable future. This means she’s safe and life is relatively simple and also that she has plenty of money to do the things she wants like take taxis and buy clothes.
Regular readers with wonder at my equanimity – well, all I can say is that it is quite remarkable how quickly one adapts to the inevitable. Lack of choice focuses the mind towards acceptance. I could make my life very miserable with resentment and anger at this unwanted turn of events. And yes, I do have moments where I feel furious that yet again I don’t seem to be able to hold onto more than a couple of months of stability and happiness before the universe throws yet another challenge at my feet. I know other people have problems but I do perceive other people’s lives to have longer periods of stability. I crave a boring ordinary life. But that doesn’t seem to be my destiny. So be it.
I’m going to Jordan on Wednesday to pack up her personal belongings and ship them over here, sell her furniture, car and piano and sort out her financial affairs. Single handed. If anything that is the one thing that I resent. That I have to do all of this alone. I’m tired, overworked at work and overwhelmed by the responsibility that I am only just getting used to. It will pass. This too will pass.
Apropos of nothing, one of my friends has started a rather wonderful blog about swimming in the sea. Too bad it’s a Blogger blog, but it makes magical reading. Give it a go.
